Chapter 2 - Weakness

Vegeta entered the gravity chamber to start his daily training, but his heart wasn't really in it. What was the point anyway? It wasn't like he had been able to get any stronger the past year. The return of his tail had given him a slight increase in power, but nothing like he had hoped for.

Who was he kidding, anyway? He was just...maintaining. He'd never be stronger than Kakarott. Hell neither one of them would ever be stronger than the potential of that brat of his.

Wasted, wasted, wasted. That power should have been his - what he could have done with it - killed that bastard Frieza himself, saved his people - something, anything. He just knew that somehow the destruction of Vegetasai was his fault. He lost everything - stayed trapped in hell with his two stooges.

Vegeta growled in annoyance. He had conquered these demons. He had, damn it.

He had gone years without these doubts eating him alive from the inside. Kakarott had died - he had been gone so long. He had finally stopped believing he would return. It took some time, but he finally gained some inner peace.

He took an interest in his family. He listened to the onna's business problems and made suggestions. His son was smart and strong. He even spent time with the Son family and made it one of his responsibilities to spend time with his son and Goten. And Kakarott's wife - he helped her and began to see the qualities that had kept them together.

Then...oh GodS...that whole fiasco with Buu. That was the end of everything. He thought he was finally happy, content. But there was Kakarott standing in front of him, so strong, so confident - his power just washing over him, overwhelming and drowning that peace.

When the opportunity had arisen for more power, more strength...he sold his soul - for nothing. He had killed again, and something inside him had screamed with joy. Was that him? Was it really all he was? It felt different, separate from who he thought he had become. But it was there, whispering to him in the dark - just like Frieza all those years ago.

The fusion had shattered him more than he could ever admit. He knew Kakarott had seen everything he was, and he was finally, utterly ashamed. He compared himself to his fellow Saiyan, and found himself wanting on every level. He was weak, so very weak. Kakarott was stronger, and faster, and more powerful, and he had friends, and his family loved him, and they wanted him.... Damn it! He screamed in frustration and blew up the nearest attack droid.

Fuck this!

His mind was whirring and these damned robots were getting too many hits on him. He flared his ki and flattened them. He was tired of this pointless exercise. Vegeta shut down the gravity chamber and left, flying away without a destination.

This life wasn't enough anymore - or he had no interest in it. Physical pain was nothing - that could be healed. Inside however - he could not remember feeling this hollow, this alone - not since Frieza.

He wanted, needed something...but didn't know what. There was no one to talk to - to be that weak and out of control - it would give someone else so much power over him. He learned that from his days with the damned lizard - as a child he thought he could trust Zarbon - told him things - and paid and paid for that mistaken trust. Never again.

Those damned z fighters laughed at him, taunted him, teased him...he'd learned how to deal with that crap during his time with Frieza, too. The secret was to control their target, distract them from what would cause real pain. Even as a child, he knew he had to be a walking, talking, prideful, egotistical bastard. That ego scared and intimidated people so they couldn't get too close. Frieza's attacks were designed to damage that pride, but that couldn't work, because he didn't have any really, did he?

The mask wasn't real, but what was he when he took it off?

Vegeta finally landed at the top of a cliff and sat with his feet dangling over the edge. He realized he must have been flying for hours - he'd gone so far he was watching a sunset. The sky glowed orange and red, reflecting in the surrounding cliff faces. So much like Vegetasai.... He sat and watched until the stars came out, then moved under a tree and slept.

He awoke several hours later, the sliver of moon high in the sky. How long had he been gone? Hell, who cares? Who cared?

Kuso! This was stupid, pointless...these pathetic thoughts just coiling around his brain, repeating and repeating, choking his heart. He couldn't go on like this, just maintaining - he was in pain. Sometimes it just got too hard to even keep breathing. Oh shit, he could feel it again - his eyes....NO DAMN IT! I am a Prince! A Saiyan! We do not cry!

Vegeta slammed a ki-powered fist into the ground sending deep cracks radiating outward.

Fuck! Enough of this crap! I cannot fight; I cannot train; I cannot function feeling this sorry for myself!

Vegeta rocketed towards home, struggling to keep his mind out of this mental hell he kept falling into.

TBC


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